Settled

It was 7 years ago this month that I became pregnant with my first son. Seven years since my life was turned upside down and inside out in both good ways and bad ways. Seven years since I lost my sense of direction. Seven years that it took to wring my life inside out and come back up for air.

Today, I am settled. Happier than I have been in as long as I can remember. I am myself, and yet so very different. I love my life. I haven’t said that since before my first pregnancy, maybe even longer. I’m content. The gentle cadence that marks the rhythm of my days finally fits like a glove.

I’ve become the woman I’ve always wanted to be.

Writing it like that seems trite. But for the very few who have known and seen the depth of my struggles, they will know how tumultuous the road has been.

Today, I’m here to celebrate and send gratitude to the universe for finally showing me the way. Had I not travelled the roads that I have, I could not appreciate the beauty that comes from the journey. Nor could I revel in the simplicity of a happy, productive routine.

Because that is all this is—an ordinary life. But a happy, ordinary life that finally feels right.

Today, someone asked me what my secret is. Just a year ago, my answer would have been so different. I would have wanted to say that it’s so much more than it really is. I would have wanted to seem wise and accomplished. I was still trying to find answers in things that don’t matter.

But now I know. I know what the answer is for me, and it’s quite simple.

I sleep, A LOT. I acknowledge my triggers and truly respect them, even if I don’t like it. I put boundaries on my life and protect them as much as I can. I respect my needs. I breathe and believe.

That’s all.

The tricky part, however, is not just saying it, it’s really, really doing it. That is what made all the difference to me. There was a time when I knew these to be my needs, but I wasn’t very good at sticking to them. As soon as I gave in, and lived them for months and months I finally started to get better. It didn’t, couldn’t, happen over night. It just took time. And determination. And, frankly, surrender.

And if I start to slip, I remind myself. Breathe and believe. I reign it in and go back to basics.

 

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8 thoughts on “Settled

  1. Lindsey says:

    There is such clarity, and peace, and wisdom in your words, Christine. It emanates from the page. Thanks for being such an inspiration. xox

  2. Alexandra says:

    This is so beautiful, and so helpful.

    I’m linking to eat with my Best Of The Week on the internet.

    The simpleness of appreciation and gratitude that shows what is small is really good.

  3. Charlotte says:

    This is beautiful. As someone who has also found herself struggling with a bit of anxiety/depression in the past two years, it’s wonderful to read about the journey you were on to find yourself again. It’s never an easy road, but it’s important to stop and remember and remind ourselves of the things around us that give us strength.

    So very happy to hear you are in a great place right now. I am so glad I stopped in here today. Alexandra of Good Day Regular People sent me 🙂 XOXO

  4. Reading these words I get a tremendous sense of calm – your contentment leaps off the screen and makes me feel a little more peaceful. I’m so glad to find you in such a warm, settled place. xo

  5. Chantal says:

    I still have a lot of work to do in that aspect. So much work. I am glad you have reached a place you are happy. That is awesome. You sound so much happier. Take Care!

  6. I am so happy to hear how happy and fulfilled you have become. All the work you have done to clarify your values and goals will help you maintain the balance. Sleep–what a great answer!

  7. Christine,

    Your calm is palpable. I am so happy for you. Weathering my own storm, your contentment inspires me. Thank you.

  8. Justine says:

    I remember the more uncertain times in your life from your previous posts, and I’ve no doubt it was a struggle for you to get from there to here. I’m happy that you’ve finally found a good place for yourself. These words ring with so much joy and serenity that they make me smile. You deserve to be here, Christine. Truly.

    p.s. So glad to be reading your words again!

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