I’ve been taking an online course called Emerge. The course is designed around developing the creative tools we need to help us face our seasons of change. It’s little wonder a friend recommended it to me. For two years (it’s hard to believe that I’ve been working on Project Finding Me for that long!) I’ve been going through a period of intense personal growth and change. And while I’ve certainly been moving forward, I’ve learned that ultimately there is no final destination. That said, my interest in this course came from the notion of learning to emerge from a life transition and become more fully myself. Interestingly, this is the very place I find myself now. I’m learning what it means to get out of my own way, to finally embrace everything I’ve learned and finally live the life I want to lead—a life that feels right, and comfortable and true.
So I registered. This week, we’ve been reading about and doing exercises on trusting our intuitive and creative selves. This is a huge weakness for me. I’ve been a people pleaser my entree life and as a result I’ve never learned how to trust myself, much less to feel confident following through with any sense of intuition. So these lessons have hit hard. It’s at the heart of the work I’m focused on, and has a lot to do with improving my sense of self-confidence.
So, we’ve been encouraged to write the following lists as a way of tapping our intuitive, creative selves. I’m supposed to let my gut take over and write anything and everything that comes to mind. So here goes:
My obsessions and preoccupations:
- Social media
- A clean, organized house.
- Constant professional advancement
- Whether there should be a third baby in our family.
- Paper, and pictures. And putting them together into art.
- Being good. And liked.
- How to nurture self-confidence in my children.
- Anything Apple.
- Flannel sheets.
- A hot, flickering fire.
- Being very, very good at my job.
What I know:
- How to plan, and build a house.
- How to start and stoke a fire.
- Patience is never easy, and takes constant practice.
- It’s very hard to still the mind.
- There isn’t enough time in the day.
- How to make a buttery, flaky pastry.
- How to pitch a story and get it covered by media.
- What it’s like to lose a loved one.
- Bi-polar affective disorder sucks.
- I can’t stand seafood.
What I don’t know:
- The right way to discipline my children.
- How to cook without a recipe.
- If writing is really my calling.
- How to change a flat tire.
- How to start our snowblower.
- How to trust myself.
- How to set a table.
- If I’m making a difference.
- If I’ll ever feel like I truly know myself.