I’m having a hard time adjusting to the fact that we are only a few short weeks away from the end of the year. And while this isn’t meant to be a resolution or a re-cap post, I have, in recent days, been drawn to thoughts of where I am and where I’m going. For many, many weeks I’ve been sustaining an incredibly busy professional schedule, actually it all started early in the summer and hasn’t slow down since. I’m engaged in a huge project that is stimulating and challenging. It has lit a fire inside that I haven’t felt in a very long time, and the warmth of it is welcome, if sometimes overwhelming.
Because I’ve been so highly immersed in my work, I’ve been less engaged here. The project I’m working on is very fulfilling, but it’s stealing all of my mental energy and focus, leaving little for anything but the day-to-day effort of keeping my family fed, entertained and clothed, not to mention planning and preparing for the holidays. Because of it, I’ve had far less time than I’ve grown used to for nurturing the changes I made in my life earlier this year. I rarely write, I never meditate, I’m struggling to protect chunks of obligation free time, and because of it the weeks are barrelling by far too quickly. I’ve been swept up in it so completely that I see problems looming if I don’t do something to reign it in and make space for myself to breathe and reconnect.
At night, when I lay in bed and finally have a moment to reflect, I find myself more often than not lately wondering how to go back to the place I was even just a year ago. A quieter place, a place that was focused on my heart and my loves. A place that was calm and collected. It’s amazing how quickly and easily it can all slip through the cracks of our hands if we don’t hold on tight. Staying mentally fit is work. No amount of medication can change that fact. When push comes to shove, staying well requires a commitment to change, but more than that it requires constant vigilance and checks and balances to reign you in when you need it.
The fact that I know that now is a huge leap forward and a testament to just how much I have changed. Where the old me would have ignored them and kept barrelling forward, now, not only do I recognize the signs long before they become a problem, but I have the skills I need to reset my focus and actually make the change is needed. Until recently I didn’t recognize how instinctual it had become, and how much more smoothly I can transition from mindset into another. This is a tremendously empowering awareness of oneself—one I’ve longed for a very long time.
The thing about this place, my writing place, is that coming here, to think, share and connect, has always kept me accountable. And some of the reason why I’ve lost focused is because I’m not actually focusing—in words. You see it’s the words that help me translate change in my life and make things happen. If I write it, then I think about it and when I think about it, I can plan and program, and ultimately keep on track. It’s my nature, if I declare it, I’ll do it. So it stands to reason that because I’ve been writing so much less that I would revert to old habits, and lose some ground.
So I’m here, doing a little reset. Reminding myself of where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and what I need to do keep moving forward in a positive way. Stop, breathe, make space for myself, meditate and above all write.