Over the last year I’ve changed dramatically. I’m am not overstating when I say I am not the woman I used to be, in good ways and bad ways.
I know I’ve changed, I feel it whispering in every part of my body, struggling to break free, yearning to just unfold and be. There is a sensation of longing balling up deep in my heart, growing stronger and more vibrant every day.
But I still don’t know who I am. This unravelling, it takes work. And it is such hard work. Important work, yes, but achingly difficult. Because the change is so extraordinary.
Frankly, I’m still pretty lost. I often feel like I don’t fit in my own skin.
Mostly, though, I can find comfort from appreciating the journey. I’m beginning to love myself.
I’m also learning to look to the universe, to recognize the guideposts that show me the way. Bit by little bit, I’m moving in the right direction.
It’s a wondrous thing to just trust and really accept that things are the way they are supposed to be. It’s incredibly invigorating to let your life unfold according to a greater plan. If you only open your mind to the idea of it, it becomes abundantly clear. You begin to notice the signs all around you. They are so obvious, they almost knock you off your feet.
But they almost knock you off your feet. And it takes time to get used to that sense of imbalance, to appreciate it for what it is.
Hard work. Soul work.