A quick post, because I need to write this. To share it, while it feels fresh. I just settled into bed to read about this week in the Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab. It seems we’re cultivating faith, intuition and creativity. We’ve been asked to set our intention for the week; to answer what we want to experience more of, should we decide to give intuition, faith or creativity a chance.
As I read our instructions, and learned that we’ll fully explore the role faith and spirituality can play in helping us let go of our need for certainty my heart literally did back flips, and then plummeted, and now I feel butterflies lodged deep in my stomach. This my friends, this is the place I WANT TO GO but feel so afraid to visit. I’m afraid because I don’t trust it. I don’t trust it because I have some deep-rooted belief that it’s false and self-indulgent. To be completely frank, I don’t actually know what it is. I cannot fully express how empty and lost this leaves me at times.
But I have felt it. A feeling of utter holiness infused into the depths of my heart and mind that offered a sensation of hope and complete acceptance. A feeling that lit the path to knowing that everything is well, and good and complete. Brief though these moments have been I have had a glimpse, and it was quite brilliant.
What I do know is that there is a war being waged between my heart and my head that I cannot underestimate. My desire to flee is strong. But so is the knowledge that if I continue to provide ammunition to perception and expectation, I will never get where I am supposed to be.
So here is my intention:
I vow to open my heart, to trust the wisdom of my intuition as a path to something better. I will do it freely, without fear of judgment. I believe there is a self inside of me who is ready to shine. I want to coax her out. I want to experience the brilliance of confidence and faith.