Regrouping

I’m spending a quiet Friday with this smiley fellow and I’m very grateful. At the moment he’s napping, and I needed some time to regroup.

It’s been a long week. Last week I had dental surgery and the healing has been slow and uncomfortable. This week I am full of cold and discomfort. I’m on an immune-suppressant for my Crohn’s. As you can probably imagine, this is not good for one who lives in a house with two little boys under five. I’ve caught every virus that has dared to darken our doorway. In the six weeks since I started it, I’ve been sick four. It’s also not good when one is trying to recovery from a nasty surgery. Work is incredibly busy in a good, but exhausting way, and this week we made the difficult decision to change the boy’s daycare.

Life is hustling and bustling along as it has a tendency to do.  I’ve had a hard time finding my footing this week. I feel as though I just woke up on Monday morning and now, after a short blink, it’s Friday afternoon.

Last night I struggled not to succumb to the tears and weariness. I was parenting alone, and I felt rotten. I allowed myself to wallow for a few moments in self pity.  My husband came home and I told him I could feel it, the edges of darkness looking for any tiny space to sneak in. I felt a little out of control. A familiar, ugly feeling.

Because of all that’s been going on, I haven’t had time to focus on my new coping strategies. The pace of life has taken over and I haven’t put on the brakes. I didn’t get to my meditation class because I feared spreading germs to others who were seeking their own calm and comfort. A nasty gift to get at a special place. So there has been very little time to think, reflect and sit quietly.

Above all of this, sleep has been abysmal because of my cold. This is a HUGE trigger for me.

So I’m here this afternoon to just lay it all out. To acknowledge this has being a lousy week, to let go and move on. To show myself that this is normal and I can handle it. And to promise that next week will be better.

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15 thoughts on “Regrouping

  1. ShannonL says:

    Uck, sounds like a horrible week for anybody! I’m sorry you’re going through an extra stressful time, especially being sick to top it all off. I get whiney when I’m sick, too, so don’t sweat it!

  2. Chantal says:

    Hugs Christine, I hope you feel better really soon. I do not handle being sick well either. I totally get where your coming from. And with all the other stuff you have been dealing with I can see how its hard it would be to handle. Take Care!

  3. Cheers to laying it all out there. Some days are lousy and there’s no way around it. May we all find our footing when we start to slip. xoxo

  4. Kelly says:

    Your honesty has to be helpful in fighting off the dark seep. I hope you curled up and got some rest of your own while your smiley (adorable) boy napped.

  5. It is normal. And if you are anything like me, the cold weather and sunless skies takes its toll as well. Here’s hoping that next week is more uplifting.

  6. Maranda says:

    Lack of sleep is hard, especially with a chronic illness. I go through similar phases with fibromyalgia All you can do is push through it and hope for a better week next week. I hope things turn around for you soon!

  7. Melissa says:

    This is such a good strategy, acknowledging, laying it out there and planning to move on. I hope next week is much, much better.

  8. Kate says:

    We all have bad weeks. The rush and pull and sicknesses pull us out of shape, even when we’re feeling resilient. And lack of sleep. Oh, boy. It sucks. I’m thinking of you, and hoping we all heal and feel even a few simple quiet moments to catch up with life whooshing past.

  9. Some days are bad. Some weeks are bad. It’s all worse when you feel crappy physically. And when sleep deserts, it’s a lot. I hope you get some down time – some real down time – this weekend. Hugs.

  10. Stacia says:

    Wishing you clear sinuses and sweet dreams this weekend, friend. Along with a nice, hot cup of coffee, a comfy blanket, and some quiet. Next week will be better.

  11. Christa says:

    And it is normal. But not fun, or easy. See my “oh, baby, baby” post – it is, in part, for you.

    I had dental surgery last week, too, and a cold, but no little ones. Ouch! Just try to breathe, in whatever manner you are able! So glad you are just noticing and naming what is going on, and being kind to yourself…

    If you email me your address, I would be happy to send you my favorite guided meditation cd. It’s the only one I don’t find annoying and has 15, 17 and 20 minute options. Might be just what you need… Also happy to help with any meditation questions…

    So snuggle up on the couch with a boy or two and try to get some rest….

    Love to you.

  12. Oh Christine, you are really on a rough road these days. You know, sometimes I think we are too hard on ourselves, always trying not to complain, to be strong and grateful all the time. But I do think there is a time and place for showing weakness and calling out for support. You need to rely on the love and support of your friends and family — and don’t feel guilty about complaining online. You have a supportive community here to lift you up when you are in the trenches!

    I hope you can get some rest this weekend and begin the road to recovery. I know what you mean about sleep loss being a huge trigger — things fall apart fast around here when I am low on sleep.

    Oh, and thank you for visiting Graceful and commenting this week — it’s lovely to meet you here!

  13. Ugh, parenting alone, being sick, recovering from surgery–what a lot to deal with at once. Sounds like fertile ground for the “edges of darkness,” as you so aptly call it. Sending lots of good thoughts that you’ll feel healthy and strong again soon.

  14. Leslie says:

    Know you’re still a little under the weather today, but here’s hoping that it’s all clear soon. We’ve just had almost two weeks of sick house, taking turns being miserable. It does feel like the edges of darkness, but perhaps it’s also the edge of a brighter time – longer days again, at least, and little notions of spring.

  15. Rudri says:

    Oh Christine, how I can relate to this post. With a visit to the ER, a car accident, some identity theft, a sick child, husband and me, I just want to curl up under the blankets and wake when it gets better. Sending you some very sympathetic hugs.

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