I’m spending a quiet Friday with this smiley fellow and I’m very grateful. At the moment he’s napping, and I needed some time to regroup.
It’s been a long week. Last week I had dental surgery and the healing has been slow and uncomfortable. This week I am full of cold and discomfort. I’m on an immune-suppressant for my Crohn’s. As you can probably imagine, this is not good for one who lives in a house with two little boys under five. I’ve caught every virus that has dared to darken our doorway. In the six weeks since I started it, I’ve been sick four. It’s also not good when one is trying to recovery from a nasty surgery. Work is incredibly busy in a good, but exhausting way, and this week we made the difficult decision to change the boy’s daycare.
Life is hustling and bustling along as it has a tendency to do. I’ve had a hard time finding my footing this week. I feel as though I just woke up on Monday morning and now, after a short blink, it’s Friday afternoon.
Last night I struggled not to succumb to the tears and weariness. I was parenting alone, and I felt rotten. I allowed myself to wallow for a few moments in self pity. My husband came home and I told him I could feel it, the edges of darkness looking for any tiny space to sneak in. I felt a little out of control. A familiar, ugly feeling.
Because of all that’s been going on, I haven’t had time to focus on my new coping strategies. The pace of life has taken over and I haven’t put on the brakes. I didn’t get to my meditation class because I feared spreading germs to others who were seeking their own calm and comfort. A nasty gift to get at a special place. So there has been very little time to think, reflect and sit quietly.
Above all of this, sleep has been abysmal because of my cold. This is a HUGE trigger for me.
So I’m here this afternoon to just lay it all out. To acknowledge this has being a lousy week, to let go and move on. To show myself that this is normal and I can handle it. And to promise that next week will be better.