Embracing my imperfection

Some of you will remember my life altering post from last fall when I declared my perfect protest. I laid myself bare, confessing my battle with depression. But I didn’t sit and wallow. I expressed my intent to fight back and fight back I have.

In the more than three months since that day, I’ve stayed the course on my medication despite my unease and fear of it, I made small changes in my personal and professional life, I looked inside and evaluated, I’ve had groundbreaking and profound personal realizations through therapy and I focused on acceptance and forgiveness. I’ve been reading and reading and reading. I’ve been inspired, I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve felt humble and even joy.

With the benefit of a mind free of cobwebs, I can see how these months have in many ways been a gift. I have a deeper understanding of myself which allows me to clean up the mess. Sarah Napthali expresses it perfectly in Buddhism for Mothers:

Nobody finds the journey along a spiritual path a straight line of progress: life still has its highs and lows and with them our commitment travels through peaks and troughs. Our emotional life may even become worse before it gets better. Uncovering hidden or suppressed wounds is uncomfortable and can trigger unexpected emotional reactions. Healing is highly likely to be our first priority after years of denying or ignoring inner pain. In the long run we can only benefit from the internal spring cleaning of any mess that blocks our joy in living.

And I’m not done. In fact, I’ve only begun.

While I battle against a sadness and fear such as I have never known, this awakening has ignited a wonderment at possibility such that I have never known. All of it important, all of it part of me. The difference is that now I can cope, I can do this hard work without falling apart. I feel stronger. Every day.

On Monday I’ll take another step on my journey toward filling my life with “compassion, connection and courage.” I’ve registered for the Mondo Beyondo Winter Dream Lab with Brené Brown. It’s so poetic and perfect. The perfect protest which led me to today was first inspired by Brené. The course will explore the ten guideposts of wholehearted living found in her book: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You are and Embrace Who You Really Are. This book, which I’m almost finished consuming, deserves a post (or several) of its own. You can be sure they will come.

The course will provide weekly prompts to help us process what we are learning. I plan to bring some of my work here to share and be honest. Over the eight weeks, I’ll continue to explore my themes for 2011, this month being meditation. So things are busy, but in a good and exciting way. And it’s all part of me remembering to Be Me.

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15 thoughts on “Embracing my imperfection

  1. Corinne says:

    That book made such an impact on me – I’m working through “I thought it was just me” and it’s equally empowering.
    What an incredible journey you’re on 🙂 Enjoy Mondo Beyondo! I’m excited to hear all about it (it’s been on my wish list…)

  2. Stacia says:

    Wow, what an intense and valuable eight weeks on introspection. I’m excited to follow behind and see snippets of all that you get to do, create and reflect on. Thanks for sharing it with us!!

  3. I hope your journey will be rich and fruitful, Christine. You’ve set yourself lofty goals, and I am certain you have the courage and fortitude to pursue them.

    xo

  4. Bumby says:

    Congrats. on taking your life back. I look forward to hearing more as you begin the process.
    Always, Bumby

  5. So excited for you. A friend did that course (maybe when jen lemen taught it?). I can’t wait to hear all about it!

  6. Christine says:

    Jen is still teaching it, they’ve just partnered up with Brené this time around. I think it’s going to be great! I’ll tell you all about it.

  7. Ironic Mom says:

    I love this sentence: “While I battle against a sadness and fear such as I have never known, this awakening has ignited a wonderment at possibility such that I have never known.” This encapsulates the ying and yang of life so beautifully.

    By the way, the most interesting people I know have all struggled with depression at some point. I wish this were an exaggeration…

    Looking forward to reading about your course.

  8. Chantal says:

    What a powerful post. Your voice sounds so focused and powerful. You are on the road Christine, its a good thing.

  9. Kelly says:

    I’m excited by this, Christine. I am on a journey (that I’ve been on for a while) towards a healthier life and I’ve felt myself experience and (finally) deal with pain that I’ve carried for years. It’s amazing how letting that go truly changes how I view the entire world. I look forward to seeing how this work will change you.

  10. I just know I have to read this book. If you say so, I know. 🙂

  11. Alita says:

    For Christmas my sister in law bought me a kindle. Now, I’m going to have to look and see if this is available through it. I wish you energy and focus. And the breathing room to let yourself slip once in awhile, too.

    Hugs!

  12. Yay for you for taking this journey and for allowing others to bear witness to the struggle and the joy. I have often struggled with perfectionism, and fully understand the difficulty of living in the moment and accepting what is. Although I know–theoretically–that it can be liberating, it is a tall order. My thoughts are with you, Christine!

  13. Rudri says:

    I appreciate your willingness to share your progress of your journey. It’s not always easy. I am definitely putting both those books on my reading list. I am looking forward to more posts about Brown’s book and your perspective of what she has to say.

  14. Christine,

    Thanks so much for coming by my blog—-now I’m here checking out yours!

    I battle depression as well, and am currently taking medication, too. It’s no stranger to me, and I’ve written about it, though I tend to blog more about it on my dark days (which I haven’t had many of since I’ve stayed the course on my Cymbalta)…I’m intrigued by this post and your newest one and will be coming back for more!!!

    Erin @ The Mother Load
    @erinlynn76

  15. […] Beyondo Dream Lab. I decided to propel forward on my journey by continuing the work I started in The Gifts of Imperfection Dream Lab with the Dream Lab. I’ve come so far, but I’ve no doubt that I this inspiration to […]

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