Trust what comes

This year has been so hard. Too much has changed, and yet so much has not. I’ve been spinning and spinning. I feel as though I’ve gained so little ground. To be honest I often feel as though I’ve been propelled backwards. While I’ve managed to unfold many wondrous layers, several have been equally frightening.

I’m tired. Really tired.

A special lady recently told me that my depression is actually the sanest reaction to my life.  By saying so, she tossed me a lifelines that I badly needed. As much as I now recognize this to be true, it doesn’t make this any less frightening. For the first time in my life I truly feel alone, despite having so much.  

I’m hanging here, suspended between two wholes of myself. I can’t seem to bridge the gap, or even root myself to one. So I wait. I muddle through and hope that somehow the seeds that I’ve sown will find what they need to grow and flourish.

I’ve decided that I need a break from here, from these words that I share and from all this inward looking. I’ve been ignoring the feeling for too long. I’ve asked others for guidance, and felt momentary enthusiasm to continue, but always come back to this. In spending so much time looking deep, in sharing myself with all of you wonderful people, I’ve lost sight of what is. I’ve gotten stuck in the feelings. Through sharing I’ve managed to isolate myself.

So I’m taking a holiday. I’m not sure for how long. I cannot express how sad it makes me feel to have to do it. This place is special to me. But I know that I must. For now.

Rest. Just be. And trust what comes.

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37 thoughts on “Trust what comes

  1. Marcy Berg says:

    I like this idea – a lot actually. You will be fine! You’re a strong, smart lady with so much going for you. Any time you need a good kick in the backside you know where to find me. Keep smiling. I’m send you a nice surprise today. Think BJ ❤

  2. denise says:

    Bravo to you. For knowing. For listening and heeding the rhythm of you soul and heart. I’m cheering for you. I’ll miss your words but will be waiting for you, whenever you are ready to return. xo

  3. Good for you for doing what you feel is right. I adore you, sweet lady, and hope this break gives you exactly what you need. In the meantime, I will be thinking of you and am here whenever you need me. xo

  4. Hugs and kudos to you.

  5. Lindsey says:

    We’ll miss you. Take care of yourself. xox

  6. Danielle says:

    Congrats on being brave enough to do what you need to do and not what you think you need to do or people lead you to believe. Sometimes we do things not knowing how to stop even though we know we really should. I’m sure as hard as it is now, you will soon realize it was such a good decision.

    I hope to do the same, however I’m still just building up the courage. Take care and enjoy.

  7. Sometimes we look so much inside that we lose sight of what is around us. And living in two worlds can be overwhelming at best. I’m glad you found your truth and some clarity to your path.
    I’m grateful for your friendship and understanding.

  8. Neeroc says:

    Don’t be sad about a holiday. 🙂 Enjoy your moments, being what you can where you need to be. And then, if you need to be back here, it will still be here too.
    Take care of yourself.

  9. ShannonL says:

    Wow. This is huge, Christine. I am so proud of you for taking this step. For doing what your heart is telling you and what you feel is best for you right now.

    “Just be”. I love it. Good work, my friend. You know you have my full support always. Contact me any time you want to talk. xo

  10. Showing up right on schedule with a wave.

  11. Rudri says:

    Hugs Christine. We will miss you. But listening to yourself and doing what is right for you is of primary importance.

  12. Corinne says:

    Hang in there, lady. Taking this break will be wonderful… though you will be greatly missed. You know where to find me if you need to chat. Thinking of you… xoxo

  13. Pam says:

    I hope you find the answers you are searching for. Good luck and know that I am sending all good thoughts your way. {{hugs}}

  14. You gotta do what you gotta do. And I love that quote–“Trust what comes.” It’s really simple, yet profound.

  15. Amber says:

    I will miss you. I am proud of you for taking this big step and looking out for your mental health.

  16. Kate says:

    Listening to your heart is huge! Take what you need. I’ll be thinking of you.

  17. Kelly says:

    It takes a brave person to truly listen to yourself and give yourself what you need — even if it means walking away from something you’ve invested so much in. I hope this silence gives you the space you need.

  18. Amber says:

    Be well. I’ll be thinking of you, and hoping that you are finding good things.

  19. Jenn says:

    Rest. Just be. And trust what comes – what an important message for us all. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us – it was truly an inspiration to read. Enjoy the time away to reflect and ‘just be’.

  20. Maria says:

    Take care of yourself! I hope this break will be what you need, to reflect, gather your thoughts and then come back with a vengeance!

  21. alita says:

    Blogging does tend to make you look inward quite a bit. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but everyone needs a break from themselves. We take breaks from this, that, and everything else for sanity sake so this is fitting Christine. I hope this reset works for you. There is a hug over here for you and I’m sending you nothing but positive thoughts. Enjoy your rest.

  22. Brandi says:

    Hope you find what you need. Hugs.

  23. Christa says:

    Then do just that, Christine. Rest. Look at things that bring you peace. Be gentle with yourself.

    And know that all of us are here if you need us.

    Love to you.

  24. Sarah says:

    Take care, my friend. So glad that you are doing what you need to do.

  25. Bumby says:

    Well played, young lady. We will see you in the funny pages, or at least Good Reads. ( I hope )
    Always, Bumby

  26. I completely understand and hope your break will bring you much peace and clarity.

  27. It’s often said that journally is helpful, but I’ve really never found it to be helpful at all. The only journalling that I allow myself is a “gratitude” journal — a place to jot down something I am grateful for each night. I’m happy for you to take this bold move and I really hope it makes a difference. You are tired and feeling beat-up now, but it will get better. Like you say, “trust what comes.” Give yourself some time, be gentle to yourself. Wishing you only the very best, Julie

  28. Just take care of yourself, Christine. That’s all you need to focus on right now. And we’ll be here happy to see you when you return.

  29. Take care of yourself. I hope the time away is just what you need to feel refreshed. Come back soon, we will all miss you.

  30. Leslie says:

    Oh – too much has changed, and too much hasn’t. I am struggling every day with that. I hope your hiatus is healing.

  31. melissa says:

    Hoping you find your way back to yourself quickly, and back to us too, all in good time. Hugs.

  32. Your deepest Self is not alone. We’re all here together, whether we know it or not, whether we say so or not. While you’re recapturing your center and your sense of connection, check out Caroyn Myss (if you haven’t already). Dark nights of the soul must be traversed alone, but we all meet up in that field beyond right and wrong where, amongst others, Rumi is already waiting for us to catch up.

    All Good Wishes for the thanksgiving of every night and day.

  33. Justine says:

    Rest. Take as much time as you need. And should you come back, this world here will have you back with our arms wide open. But should you choose not to, then this part of your life is no longer what you need, and that’s OK too.

    I’ve allowed myself to just post when I feel like it and while it started off feeling really strange, it’s so liberating. No obligatory posts, no unnecessary stress on myself. It’s wonderful to finally let our blogs be an extension of our expression, rather than work that dictates our schedule.

    I’ve found great pleasure in your words here and while I will miss you, I know we will be in touch. In the meantime, have a great holiday season.

  34. Stacia says:

    You do what needs doing. We’ll be here, when you’re ready. Trust what comes indeed, friend, and hang in there.

  35. Good for you. This is a wonderful and honest post and I applaud you for stepping back. We will all be here when you decide to come back, if you decide to come back. I think sometimes we all lose track of the fact that we lead good (and endlessly complicated, yes) lives away from the screen. I hope you are feeling good. xo

  36. hyacynth says:

    We’ll be here whenever you’re ready. Just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking about you, praying for you.

  37. I understand what you mean. I recently experienced something that left me paralyzed and on my bum, torn between feeling like there is so much to do but nothing compelling me to do it. It was good to take a little break, and reach out at the same time. Glad to see you are back!

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