I’m away this week enjoying a 10th annivesary vacation with my husband. In celebration I’m delighted to feature a series of guests writing their thoughts on love, friendship and partnership. Please welcome Justine from Here Where I Have Landed. Justine’s writing is honest and entertaining. She pushes herself with every post she writes, to be a better writer and to engage her readers. I’m honoured she agreed to be a part of my celebration. I think you’ll enjoy this post about what she looked for in a partner. I met my own Prince Charming so young, I can honestly say I never had time to think about a list. Thankfully I lucked out!
The list that keeps on growing
You know how when you started imagining your Prince Charming at the age of 10, it didn’t really go past tall, dark and handsome, but as you got older and the more you learned about people and yourself, the longer that list seemed to grow? Some of the qualities are easy enough to find, like nice smile, kind heart, gentle hands, but because age brings a whole new brand of crazy wisdom, you tend to be increasingly picky in choosing the right partner. At least I am anyway.
For example, from tall, dark and handsome, my list has morphed to include these as well:
1. Must love dogs. Not just any dogs; mydog. The one from a previous relationship with emotional issues and general anxiety around other animals and kids. And one who may resent my Dream Guy for life for usurping her position as my only companion.
2. Someone who geeks out to Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer but who can still appreciate the merits of 30 Rock and Parenthood with me. And when we’re channel-surfing, he has to land on the shows I also enjoy, like House Hunters and Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, but never sports.
3. He does not have to be a gourmand, but he has to at least be willing to try new cuisines and ingredients with me. I admit being half Chinese makes me open to manynew flavors and parts of an animal, so I won’t begrudge an unwillingness to fall in love with head cheese or beef tongue tacos (mmm….), but he better not mock what I eat, especially as I’m enjoying it. That’s just rude.
4. Casanova is not for me, but an occasional romantic surprise is always nice. Thoughtful planning on birthdays and anniversaries is lovely, but romantic gestures on an ordinary day? Bonus!
5. I am particularly fond of nerdy types with good social skills, not the kind who are out of touch with the real world because they spend 18 of the 24 hours playing World of Warcraft in their basement. I’m not well-versed in binary language myself, but having someone around who is can be really useful in this hi-tech world.
I’m not going to lie; I’m big on the little things. The above is only a smattering of what I hoped for in a partner, and having built upon that list for so many years, I have to say I thought I’d never find someone who would fit the bill. So imagine my surprise when I did.
Retrospectively, it may seem like I knew exactly what I wanted, but in reality, I didn’t know I was looking for him until he was right in front of me. The stuff on my checklist evolved with him so I’m not really sure if I was in search of those qualities first or being with him created a need for them. A classic chicken and egg conundrum. But the one thing I’m sure of is now that I know what my life is like with My Guy, I can’t imagine anything else. Or rather, anyone less.
This mental Dream Guy/Girl checklist morphs with time and changes with the partner. And because people are ever-changing, I realize now just how lucky I am to find someone who is moving in the same direction as I am. Someone who knows just what it takes to make me happy.
I suppose I could make a list of all the things that make me happy as well, but really, in a nutshell, it’s him.
And it will always be him.Congratulations on ten wonderful years of marriage with your Dream Guy, Christine. May you always have your dreams. And each other.
Image: ‘I’ll Give You All I Can…‘ via a Creative Commons licence