The list that keeps on growing

 I’m away this week enjoying a 10th annivesary vacation with my husband. In celebration I’m delighted to feature a series of guests writing their thoughts on love, friendship and partnership. Please welcome Justine from Here Where I Have Landed. Justine’s writing is honest and entertaining. She pushes herself with every post she writes, to be a better writer and to engage her readers. I’m honoured she agreed to be a part of my celebration. I think you’ll enjoy this post about what she looked for in a partner. I met my own Prince Charming so young, I can honestly say I never had time to think about a list. Thankfully I lucked out!

The list that keeps on growing
by Justine

You know how when you started imagining your Prince Charming at the age of 10, it didn’t really go past tall, dark and handsome, but as you got older and the more you learned about people and yourself, the longer that list seemed to grow? Some of the qualities are easy enough to find, like nice smile, kind heart, gentle hands, but because age brings a whole new brand of crazy wisdom, you tend to be increasingly picky in choosing the right partner. At least I am anyway.

For example, from tall, dark and handsome, my list has morphed to include these as well:

1.  Must love dogs. Not just any dogs; mydog. The one from a previous relationship with emotional issues and general anxiety around other animals and kids. And one who may resent my Dream Guy for life for usurping her position as my only companion.

2. Someone who geeks out to Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer but who can still appreciate the merits of 30 Rock and Parenthood with me. And when we’re channel-surfing, he has to land on the shows I also enjoy, like House Hunters and Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, but never sports.

3. He does not have to be a gourmand, but he has to at least be willing to try new cuisines and ingredients with me. I admit being half Chinese makes me open to manynew flavors and parts of an animal, so I won’t begrudge an unwillingness to fall in love with head cheese or beef tongue tacos (mmm….), but he better not mock what I eat, especially as I’m enjoying it. That’s just rude.

4. Casanova is not for me, but an occasional romantic surprise is always nice. Thoughtful planning on birthdays and anniversaries is lovely, but romantic gestures on an ordinary day? Bonus!

5. I am particularly fond of nerdy types with good social skills, not the kind who are out of touch with the real world because they spend 18 of the 24 hours playing World of Warcraft in their basement. I’m not well-versed in binary language myself, but having someone around who is can be really useful in this hi-tech world.

I’m not going to lie; I’m big on the little things. The above is only a smattering of what I hoped for in a partner, and having built upon that list for so many years, I have to say I thought I’d never find someone who would fit the bill. So imagine my surprise when I did.

Retrospectively, it may seem like I knew exactly what I wanted, but in reality, I didn’t know I was looking for him until he was right in front of me. The stuff on my checklist evolved with him so I’m not really sure if I was in search of those qualities first or being with him created a need for them. A classic chicken and egg conundrum. But the one thing I’m sure of is now that I know what my life is like with My Guy, I can’t imagine anything else. Or rather, anyone less.

This mental Dream Guy/Girl checklist morphs with time and changes with the partner. And because people are ever-changing, I realize now just how lucky I am to find someone who is moving in the same direction as I am. Someone who knows just what it takes to make me happy.

I suppose I could make a list of all the things that make me happy as well, but really, in a nutshell, it’s him.

And it will always be him.

Congratulations on ten wonderful years of marriage with your Dream Guy, Christine.  May you always have your dreams. And each other.
Image: ‘I’ll Give You All I Can…‘ via  a Creative Commons licence

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18 thoughts on “The list that keeps on growing

  1. Corinne says:

    I always found it amazing that what you think you want in a partner isn’t necessarily what you really need. And you don’t know it until he’s here, just as you articulated so thoughtfully here, Justine 🙂

  2. Wonderful post Justine. It’s a magical feeling isn’t it, being with someone who completes you so fully.

  3. Hyacynth says:

    I so agree with you, Justine! Sometimes you don’t know what you need or even want until it {he’s} staring you in the face. Love this!
    And happy, happy anniversary, Christine. I second Justine’s wishes to always have each other.

  4. Ha! I agreed heartily with all of the items on your list but laughed out loud at the Socially Adept Nerd. That’s my hubs in a nutshell!

    • Stacia says:

      At some point, we’ll have to get our Socially Adept Nerd-Husbands together so we can just stand back and watch … and marvel how they can talk geek over a pony keg like they were schmoozing at a preschool admission interview or something. =>

  5. ShannonL says:

    Beautiful post, Justine. You and Christine both seem to have the perfect-for-you partners, and I believe I have mine, too. We are all very fortunate!

    Yes, our lists definitely grow with age and maturity! Tall, dark and handsome was always mine as a young girl, too. But then came sense of humour, a JOB, dependability, honesty…. etc!

  6. Leslie says:

    Love it! Happy 10th anniversary, Christine, and happy new list, Justine! I was reminded over the weekend that my list includes a “must maybe love dogs, if we decide to get one, but not love them so much that we have to get one” quality. 🙂

  7. Cathy says:

    I never really had thoughts about what “the guy” would be like. And, thinking about it now, my guy is not anything like I would imagine my “ideal” partner, but he seems to suit me well. I just love him because he puts up with my crap.

  8. Perfect list, especially your requirements in the TV department. Anyone who appreciates Battlestar AND Dexter AND Parenthood wins in my book.

    And Christine, hope you’re having a great time away!

  9. Stacia says:

    Beef-tongue tacos?? Eek. Not sure I could do that, but I certainly applaud your culinary daring! And your criteria in choosing a partner. =>

  10. Those nerdy types can be tricky. . . and hot! Lovely post.

  11. Does this guy of yours have any flaws? Everything I read about him is so damn wonderful. Meanwhile, I take a sigh of relief when the trash is actually at my curb and the socks are put in the hamper, because usually I find them under the bed. It’s very possible I have gotten too caught up in the small, mundane stuff. Maybe if I had someone to clean the house and do all the chores, like a personal assistant, I’d be more romantic. Clearly, I need an attitude adjustment.

    But I do enjoy watching the same shows together, and luckily, neither of us is into sports. Settling on the couch with hubby is my favorite part of the day (or night).

  12. Cecilia says:

    Love your list, Justine! I can easily see it having evolved (my thoughts on the chicken and egg conundrum). I think in many ways we let our mates influence us too, in good ways, and sometimes we may not necessarily be looking for certain things but we realize how we can’t live without them once we see them in our partners. The other reason I like this list is that you’ve reminded yourself of all the wonderful things about your guy. So often, years into a marriage and into our ruts, it is sometimes easier to focus more on the things, big or small, that bug us.

    Happy Anniversary to Christine! We’re heading into year 10 too! Amazing how that happens.

  13. Rudri says:

    I like this list too Justine. I am big on romantic gestures on the days that there isn’t a birthday, anniversary, etc. Wishing you continued happiness in your marriage Justine!

    Christine – Congrats! Hope your enjoying your vacation with your hubby.

  14. Kelly says:

    Great list. I always found my list to be vague and amorphous, but once I met my guy, the vague became very specific.

    However, I must be the only one who has a Next Husband list. For instance, my next husband will buy more than doritos and honeybuns at the grocery store and my next husband will do dishes when they start stacking up and my next husband will make dinner sometimes. My current husband laughs and says, “You mean you want a wife?”

    Fun times!

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