I’m a seasoned stay-at-home mom. I’ve been at this gig for…um, let me see…over seven months now (yes, I had to count that out on my fingers to be sure). I pretty much have it mastered. But…there’s one thing that I wasn’t expecting, and that I haven’t overcome yet.
Before I get into that, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I’m an active stay-at-home mom. My 2 year old son (possibly the cutes boy in the entire world) and I have activities lined up every day. Sometimes 2-3 activities in a day. I have new mom and dad friends, new kiddo friends, and I’ve had amazing new experiences since I decided to stay at home. But I’ve also found that I need to balance out our social life with important downtime. I need that time to recharge, to bake and to clean. I’m not normally a super social person, so moving from working to staying at home has been wonderful, but sometimes stressful transition.
Of course, once I think that I have everything mastered, something new comes along and slaps me across the face. That’s always the way it happens, isn’t it? Just life’s way of saying, “Hey! Pay attention!”
This new thing is loneliness. I really wasn’t expecting it. Like I said, we have full schedules, so it’s not like I’m sitting at home all day, with no one but my toddler to talk to. Although we do have some pretty great conversations. This loneliness is different. It doesn’t come from not being around people. It comes from being out of touch with the real world.
You know, that world where people talk about more than teething, diapers, night terrors? Where more exiting things happen than just preparing 3 meals a day, trying (and failing) to keep the house clean, and arranging playdates for the next week.
I miss the interaction with people who talk about things other than kids. I miss the daily banter about favorite TV shows, talking about new music and the new Mexican restaurant that just opened up. I miss being up-to-date with the latest Apple inventions. I’m feeling secluded, like I’m cut off from the rest of the world. And that makes me feel lonely. Like I’m just floating over here in momma outerspace, and my ship has broken down so I can’t fly over to the rest of humanity.
It’s partly my fault, I’m sure. I just don’t take the time to find new things anymore. I hardly pay attention to the news (too depressing). Instead, I have my nose buried in my computer screen. Writing, reading, tweeting. But even that leaves me with a detached feeling. I love the networking and the blogging community, but I still feel disconnected. Probably because I’ve never meet my blogging friends in real life, so they don’t really seem real.
So can a stay-at-home mom get rid of this sneaky loneliness? I certainly hope so. It might be as simple as spending more time away from the kiddo. Maybe more dates with the hubby, or girls nights out (when was the last time I had one of those anyway?). Maybe I need to step away from the computer during nap time and turn on the TV. Or go outside. Or read a book. Or call my fave stay-at-home mom and just talk. About nothing. About everything.
I have a sneaking suspicion that this loneliness will always be hiding under the surface, waiting to jump out when I’m least expecting it. But I’ll do my best to push it back down, where it belongs. I’m just to busy to deal with loneliness.
Allison is a graphic designer turned stay-at-home mom, with a two year old boy perched on her hip (why won’t this kid walk!?!?!). She blogs at alli-n-son.com about life with a busy, brown-eyed little boy, shares stories, fails, delish recipes and whatever else strikes her fancy.
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