Snips and snails

My oldest son is now 3 years old and he is a real, what they call “boy’s boy”. He loves everything male: trucks, dirt, tools, dinosaurs, and demolition. This part of him, this MAJOR part of him is so foreign to me I struggle to keep up. I am not into sand and getting dirty, I cannot understand the allure of a power tool and a mess drives me bananas. And yet, I find myself raising a young man who loves this stuff to his very core.

I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about how challenging I find his form of play. Everything is about fighting and aggression and hurtling oneself headlong into furniture. The pure unbridled energy of it all wears me out. One does not come out unscathed, even when just playing with pint-sized toy dinosaurs. Your hands are sure to be scratched and bruished.

What is delightful about his personality is the relationship that it has kindled with his father, who is very much the same. The two of them can spend hours just finding stuff to do in the garage or in the yard. I am so impressed at how my husband includes in him in every activity and marvel at the patience he displays even though tasks may take triple the time they would if he were to do them on his own. He just finds a way to make it work for a 3 year old. I know this will pay huge dividends in the future.

And so I struggle with how to make a similar connection between the two of us and to relate to him on a level that works for him. I don’t want to temper his personality, I want him to do what comes natural. But, I also want to instill compassion, sensititivty and a sense of responsiblity in this young man that I am raising.

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25 thoughts on “Snips and snails

  1. Chantal says:

    I am a lot like you. My oldest son was more relaxed and easy going so he eased me into parenthood. I got my crazy son with my 2nd child and he challenges me all the time. I love the way he has changed me. I would never imagine myself doing the things I do when I play with him. But I will admit that lots of times it drives me crazy and I just grin and bear it while playing trains AGAIN! UGH.

  2. Chantal says:

    I am a lot like you. My oldest son was more relaxed and easy going so he eased me into parenthood. I got my crazy son with my 2nd child and he challenges me all the time. I love the way he has changed me. I would never imagine myself doing the things I do when I play with him. But I will admit that lots of times it drives me crazy and I just grin and bear it while playing trains AGAIN! UGH.

  3. Chantal says:

    I am a lot like you. My oldest son was more relaxed and easy going so he eased me into parenthood. I got my crazy son with my 2nd child and he challenges me all the time. I love the way he has changed me. I would never imagine myself doing the things I do when I play with him. But I will admit that lots of times it drives me crazy and I just grin and bear it while playing trains AGAIN! UGH.

  4. Chantal says:

    I am a lot like you. My oldest son was more relaxed and easy going so he eased me into parenthood. I got my crazy son with my 2nd child and he challenges me all the time. I love the way he has changed me. I would never imagine myself doing the things I do when I play with him. But I will admit that lots of times it drives me crazy and I just grin and bear it while playing trains AGAIN! UGH.

  5. Chantal says:

    I am a lot like you. My oldest son was more relaxed and easy going so he eased me into parenthood. I got my crazy son with my 2nd child and he challenges me all the time. I love the way he has changed me. I would never imagine myself doing the things I do when I play with him. But I will admit that lots of times it drives me crazy and I just grin and bear it while playing trains AGAIN! UGH.

  6. Myo Precision says:

    I have raised two boys, they are now almost grown, 19 and 17 years old. I can relate to your thoughts on this post… Looking back, the boys learned many wonderful things from their father, as your own son is now learning, and… they learned a great many things from me. A softer approach, a kinder way to look at things, a different waay to trouble shoot.. we all bring something to the table, including the children and at the end of the day… the connection is there, it's just a little different. They need to know who you are, how you think, how your work, what is acceptable to you… it's all one big package that we call a family. Sounds like you are doing well handling it all… be who you are, your son will grow to appreciate the differences…

  7. Myo Precision says:

    I have raised two boys, they are now almost grown, 19 and 17 years old. I can relate to your thoughts on this post… Looking back, the boys learned many wonderful things from their father, as your own son is now learning, and… they learned a great many things from me. A softer approach, a kinder way to look at things, a different waay to trouble shoot.. we all bring something to the table, including the children and at the end of the day… the connection is there, it's just a little different. They need to know who you are, how you think, how your work, what is acceptable to you… it's all one big package that we call a family. Sounds like you are doing well handling it all… be who you are, your son will grow to appreciate the differences…

  8. Myo Precision says:

    I have raised two boys, they are now almost grown, 19 and 17 years old. I can relate to your thoughts on this post… Looking back, the boys learned many wonderful things from their father, as your own son is now learning, and… they learned a great many things from me. A softer approach, a kinder way to look at things, a different waay to trouble shoot.. we all bring something to the table, including the children and at the end of the day… the connection is there, it's just a little different. They need to know who you are, how you think, how your work, what is acceptable to you… it's all one big package that we call a family. Sounds like you are doing well handling it all… be who you are, your son will grow to appreciate the differences…

  9. Myo Precision says:

    I have raised two boys, they are now almost grown, 19 and 17 years old. I can relate to your thoughts on this post… Looking back, the boys learned many wonderful things from their father, as your own son is now learning, and… they learned a great many things from me. A softer approach, a kinder way to look at things, a different waay to trouble shoot.. we all bring something to the table, including the children and at the end of the day… the connection is there, it's just a little different. They need to know who you are, how you think, how your work, what is acceptable to you… it's all one big package that we call a family. Sounds like you are doing well handling it all… be who you are, your son will grow to appreciate the differences…

  10. Myo Precision says:

    I have raised two boys, they are now almost grown, 19 and 17 years old. I can relate to your thoughts on this post… Looking back, the boys learned many wonderful things from their father, as your own son is now learning, and… they learned a great many things from me. A softer approach, a kinder way to look at things, a different waay to trouble shoot.. we all bring something to the table, including the children and at the end of the day… the connection is there, it's just a little different. They need to know who you are, how you think, how your work, what is acceptable to you… it's all one big package that we call a family. Sounds like you are doing well handling it all… be who you are, your son will grow to appreciate the differences…

  11. Tiffany @ Lattes And Life says:

    I am so with you here. My son (almost 3) is the same way. And I'm just like you. What I love though is how tender and sweet and snuggly he is with me. Sure, he snuggles Daddy…but not like he snuggles Mommy. So, that's my role I guess, and I'll gladly take it!

  12. Tiffany @ Lattes And Life says:

    I am so with you here. My son (almost 3) is the same way. And I'm just like you. What I love though is how tender and sweet and snuggly he is with me. Sure, he snuggles Daddy…but not like he snuggles Mommy. So, that's my role I guess, and I'll gladly take it!

  13. Tiffany @ Lattes And Life says:

    I am so with you here. My son (almost 3) is the same way. And I'm just like you. What I love though is how tender and sweet and snuggly he is with me. Sure, he snuggles Daddy…but not like he snuggles Mommy. So, that's my role I guess, and I'll gladly take it!

  14. Tiffany @ Lattes And Life says:

    I am so with you here. My son (almost 3) is the same way. And I'm just like you. What I love though is how tender and sweet and snuggly he is with me. Sure, he snuggles Daddy…but not like he snuggles Mommy. So, that's my role I guess, and I'll gladly take it!

  15. Tiffany @ Lattes And Life says:

    I am so with you here. My son (almost 3) is the same way. And I'm just like you. What I love though is how tender and sweet and snuggly he is with me. Sure, he snuggles Daddy…but not like he snuggles Mommy. So, that's my role I guess, and I'll gladly take it!

  16. Natalie says:

    My sister recently brought our family's first boy into the world. I had never even changed a boy's diaper before, so talk about unprepared! I loved reading this post, and like you, think it's very important for the male role model bonding time to nurture what appear to be traits and talents your boy was born with, but to also ensure you instill important softer skills like empathy.Natalie / ErinMillsLivingfor http://www.YummyMummyClub.ca

  17. Natalie says:

    My sister recently brought our family's first boy into the world. I had never even changed a boy's diaper before, so talk about unprepared! I loved reading this post, and like you, think it's very important for the male role model bonding time to nurture what appear to be traits and talents your boy was born with, but to also ensure you instill important softer skills like empathy.Natalie / ErinMillsLivingfor http://www.YummyMummyClub.ca

  18. Natalie says:

    My sister recently brought our family's first boy into the world. I had never even changed a boy's diaper before, so talk about unprepared! I loved reading this post, and like you, think it's very important for the male role model bonding time to nurture what appear to be traits and talents your boy was born with, but to also ensure you instill important softer skills like empathy.Natalie / ErinMillsLivingfor http://www.YummyMummyClub.ca

  19. Natalie says:

    My sister recently brought our family's first boy into the world. I had never even changed a boy's diaper before, so talk about unprepared! I loved reading this post, and like you, think it's very important for the male role model bonding time to nurture what appear to be traits and talents your boy was born with, but to also ensure you instill important softer skills like empathy.Natalie / ErinMillsLivingfor http://www.YummyMummyClub.ca

  20. Natalie says:

    My sister recently brought our family's first boy into the world. I had never even changed a boy's diaper before, so talk about unprepared! I loved reading this post, and like you, think it's very important for the male role model bonding time to nurture what appear to be traits and talents your boy was born with, but to also ensure you instill important softer skills like empathy.Natalie / ErinMillsLivingfor http://www.YummyMummyClub.ca

  21. Sandy says:

    Oscar is SUCH a boy already, at only seven months old. I know I'm in trouble. However, when I was at the toy store I saw all these cool toys that I never got to play with and I look forward to sharing that with him.However, the aggression is something he is already showing, and it's something I can't relate to AT ALL.Interesting, thought-provoking post.

  22. Sandy says:

    Oscar is SUCH a boy already, at only seven months old. I know I'm in trouble. However, when I was at the toy store I saw all these cool toys that I never got to play with and I look forward to sharing that with him.However, the aggression is something he is already showing, and it's something I can't relate to AT ALL.Interesting, thought-provoking post.

  23. Sandy says:

    Oscar is SUCH a boy already, at only seven months old. I know I'm in trouble. However, when I was at the toy store I saw all these cool toys that I never got to play with and I look forward to sharing that with him.However, the aggression is something he is already showing, and it's something I can't relate to AT ALL.Interesting, thought-provoking post.

  24. Sandy says:

    Oscar is SUCH a boy already, at only seven months old. I know I'm in trouble. However, when I was at the toy store I saw all these cool toys that I never got to play with and I look forward to sharing that with him.However, the aggression is something he is already showing, and it's something I can't relate to AT ALL.Interesting, thought-provoking post.

  25. Sandy says:

    Oscar is SUCH a boy already, at only seven months old. I know I'm in trouble. However, when I was at the toy store I saw all these cool toys that I never got to play with and I look forward to sharing that with him.However, the aggression is something he is already showing, and it's something I can't relate to AT ALL.Interesting, thought-provoking post.

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