My life is busy to say the least. I know that I am not unique in this department, many of us feel overextended when it comes to daily tasks and responsibilities. I struggle to juggle a young baby, a busy preschooler, a household that needs managing, a marriage, a career, friendships and various social responsibilities and the need to be good to myself. I’ll admit that I cannot seem to find that magical point of balance where all of these roles are concerned and there are moments that thoughts of it overwhelm me and I panic. I realize that to regain a feeling of control I need to determine my priorities and work from there. Yet this is where my problem lies, I can’t manage my priorities. Many might say they are obvious, but actually they are not.
Obviously my children are my number one priority and they do consume the better part of my days. I hear time and time again that I should just accept that they need me the most and move on. That’s fine and I agree, but at some point the house does need to get cleaned, my husband does deserve to have my undivided attention, my work must get done because it helps us to pay the bills and I do need to recharge or I just might lose it completely.
At what point is it safe for all these “other” roles to become the priority without making my children sacrifice. I often wonder whether since I am home on maternity leave if my priorities are a bit skewed. Because I am physically here with them I feel the need to be present and available at every moment. Yet soon, I’ll be back to work and that won’t be the case. For example, if I let the baby sit with toys for 30 minutes so that I can vacuum or do some online banking is it any different than when I’ll need to leave him when I go back to work? At least now he can see me and I can chat with him and smile and have a little cuddle every so often.
So what gives? Well I’ve decided that I need to schedule. I used to be an avid scheduler and list maker and then I had children and whatever order I maintained in my life fell to pieces. I’ll regain control by making lists, by planning my days with tasks and goals that I can achieve and maybe day-by-day I’ll develop a better sense of self worth. Perhaps if this works I can go to bed at night and not feel defeated but empowered to tackle the next day. I’m hoping this strategy will help me to feed my children a healthy meal, provide them with the stimulation they deserve and yet help me to be the adult that I need to be. I’ll let you know how it goes.