So yesterday I officially put on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans for the first time – okay so they are tight, but hey I did get the button done up and they weren’t uncomfortable at all! I wondered how best to mark the occasion and thought a blog post to commemorate the return to me would be perfect.
It is almost a year-ago to the day that my husband and I started trying for our second child. What took several months the first time, happened on the first first try this time around. We were excited…correction he was excited, I was a bit freaked out. This was for many reasons, I didn’t know how this pregancy would go, the labour and then two kids…that would make me old!
That said it wasn’t long before the pregnancy hormones kicked in and much like my first I was sick, sick, sick. Only this time I just felt sick all the time, I wasn’t (thankfully) actually being sick. Nonetheless the feeling was icky and frustrating. I was also more exhausted than I could ever have imagined. Most nights last summer I was in bed by 6:00. No amount of sleep seem to make me feel better. The whole summer passed by while I SLEPT!!!
Most of my pregnancy I felt unmotivated, tired and wary of the impending change of our life. It made me moody and hard to live with. It made me sad that I couldn’t just feel happy and excited. And then the last couple of months came along and I slipped deeper into feeling useless. There wasn’t much I actually felt like doing. I wanted to spend quality time with my son before the new baby came, but mostly I couldn’t drag my butt off the couch. I wanted the baby out, but I didn’t want a new baby. I was freakin’ scared of the coming change. Everything was so dramatic the first time around, I expected it to be much the same or worse this time with two kids to care for. On top of it, my emotions were so unpredictable, I couldn’t imagine that I would ever feel whole, happy and sane again.
And then my youngest son came along and we bonded instantly (not the case the first time). I was enchanted with him and even though I was tired, overwhelmed and a bit shell-shocked over the chaos of our lives, I was happy! It was a pleasant surprise.
Now, just over 10 weeks into it, I feel fantastic. I am so grateful to feel like me once again, energetic, happy about life, in love with all the men in my life and ready to tackle so many things. I’m happy to be home for now with my boys, but I’m excited for the when it will be time to go back to work. Most of all I look forward to the adventures ahead with my family. It’s that optimism that is making all the difference.
I know there will be many ups and downs and I am only getting started on this journey of mothering two boys, but at least now I can be assured that I’ll be doing it at full throttle. So I’m celebrating and thanking everyone who helped me through it all!